Freedom in Speech

Written by Ben Maina Thursday, 23 February 2012 06:06

Valentines comes but once in a year, a time show some love to our loved ones. This year it was not to go unmarked, as GALCK hosted a Dr. Love session held at its premises on February 14^th 2012. The forum focussed on love, sex and relationships.

The participants shared experiences of being singles or dating. Truly the LGBT community is full of rich stories of love amidst all the challenges that they face on a daily basis due to stigma and discrimination and offensive laws. This day provided them with a safe space to discuss issues of love.

A rose flower in the hand courtesy of GALCK, the fiery station kicked off by discussing the Does and Don’ts during the first date and how once can spice it up. Most of the participant felt offended if their date talked about:

• Sex during the first meeting,
• “What do you do?” Since this is like gauging how much they earn. However, others believed that this is part of the process of getting to know each other,
• Being asked about sexual roles passive, active  and versatile,
• What you like in bed,
• When did you start having sex,
• Bad Body language; some people just get all over their partner during the first meeting, this gives the impression that they are only interested in sex.

To make your date have positive outcome:

• Try and look good,
• Be composed, not nervous,
• Avoid  funny statements  like “I want to date you”, or “I love you” when you’ve just met,
• Keep your expectations under control,
• Avoid excessive indulgence, remain decent,
• Do not ask too many personal questions,
• Do not order lots of things that you can’t afford,
• The date should be brief, lasting a maximum of two hours; when you spend short and interesting time he/she will be eager to meet you next time,
• Concentrate, listen and listen,
• Choose a superb location,
• Be positive and optimistic,
• Be punctual,
• Be honest.

“The reason why we stay together is because are complementary. We have similar temperaments but are not exactly the same, and are sexually compatible,” one of the participants noted.  Communication is key for any relationship to flourish, she added. The challenge is that sometimes it might become boring if you only have one person around you and nothing is done differently. The relationship should be constantly rejuvenated and reenergised by trying new things, fostering strong communication and building trust between you.

In an attempt to keep the fire burning in a relationship, some couples go to the extent of allowing their partner to flirt. Whereas some feel it is important to avoid boredom in a relationship, some feel this creates a loophole where they can take it a notch higher. Participants did not agree on whether allowing your partner to flirt with another person does more harm or good.

Participants discussed roles, particularly within same-sex relationships where one partner may be older than the other, one may have more money, and one is often perceived to be “dominant” or a top while the other is a bottom. Does age really matter? Sometimes a 19-year old may act like a person who is 60, but in other cases people are expected to act a certain way because of their age. There is a widespread misconception that age means maturity.

In closing, participants agreed that it is the high time that people stopped going for roles, passive, active or versatile. All relationships should be mutual and not only concentrated on the sexual act. People need to understand that in the dynamics of a same-sex relationship, we don’t need to conform to the roles we find set out for us, but can create our own values and roles.