Freedom in Speech

Written by Lynus Macharia Friday, 22 June 2012 11:55

I am a 22 year old college student going for my degree in Philosophical Anthropology.  My story can be rather perplexed and simple.  It's strange but as I type this it will be the first time to say that I am probably bisexual.  I never thought of myself as full blown gay because I do have a strong liking for women and I do hope to one day be married to a woman and have children of my own as soon as I am through with my studies.

I've had many same sex sexual encounters as a little boy and yes, my first gay sexual experience was probably as early as the age of 7.  It was with my friend who was the same age and I guess you can say we were experimenting or something like that.  This friend and I were having sexual encounters a lot all the way up until I was about 16 when he moved away.  We never had any "love" for each other, in fact we had sex so much that that's all our friendship was based on, sex.  I've had 3 sexual partners in my life, 2 being men and 1 being a woman.

My second partner was a guy who was my friend and whom I thought was my best friend.  He and I are very masculine and it was very surprising that I was able to do it with my best friend because he did not strike as gay or bisexual at all and in fact he's the one that brought up the idea.  Our approach prior to having sex was rather strange because we tried to make sure that this would not damage our friendship at all.  He thought this encounter was experimenting, which it was for him, but obviously not for me.  Our friendship is not what it used to be now and it is basically a taboo to talk to him about what we did.  I thought that he could have been one of the only people that I could talk to about this but he is clearly in denial about his sexuality too.  I am not involved with anyone currently and have not been for the last two years.

Anyway, I really cannot see myself as being in a relationship with a guy and actually have no intention to.  I am in no way attracted to feminine guys, (no offense!), and if I am ever involved with a guy I'd like for him to be masculine.  I also have no intention on coming out and telling people I am bisexual.  Maybe I will when I get older and move away.  My goal is to have a best friend that I can talk to about anything and everything.

I am glad to be able to see some of the things that you guys are going through because it helped me to type this.  I have never told anyone about my story and no one knows about my past.  I want people that have possible similar stories to know that you are NOT alone!

It is not easy for me to be this way because in my community there are a bunch of closed minded people that don't believe in existence of bisexuality and they just see gay people as the stereotypical flamboyant person.

I plan on keeping my masculinity strong because I like it and I want people to know that gay/bisexual people are not what society sees them as.  We are people that are just the same as a heterosexual person that want equality and not to throw it in their faces or anything but I do believe that homosexuality has been out as long as heterosexuality has!