Freedom in Speech

Written by Nimmoh Stanely Tuesday, 31 July 2012 07:24

It’s really hard to tell what goes on in a gay person’s head. Generally we are all human beings but with different experiences. That is what defines our character. Personally I never see myself settling down. And I always wonder how some people meet in a month, the next they are engaged and the next they are getting married. Why would you peg your whole life on someone else? Seems a-little creepy and weak to me.

But then again, different people define strength differently. Maybe the fact that some people can with stand all that pain means they are strong. Or it could mean that they let others use them as door-mats. It’s a glass-half-empty-half-full situation depending on the sides of the tracks you come from.

And I come from the side where the glass seems half empty. People like me like spoiling a perfectly good situation and pushing a bad situation to worse.

That is why I come home drunk and clumsy just to see what my parents would do. That is why I bring home loud girls to see if my Mom will still call them sleep-overs after hearing her screams.

Like the girl I had in here last weekend, Terry, is an exceptionally loud screamer. Especially when drunk. But she is too needy. I could never give her the attention she wants when I myself crave the same attention.

I know I should be grateful that my parents let me get away with so much as it is but call me self destructive.

And my parents have a really strong stomach coz they never say anything. Its either they have already secretly accepted me or they think it’s a phase I will eventually grow out of.

I am not sure what kind of a reaction I am expecting from them when I come out but something is better than nothing. I am growing tired of this ignoring-the-truth game.

Maybe I should get really drunk one of these days and have “that talk” with them. It’s bothering me how my parents ignore my gay tendencies despite all the signs I have thrown in their faces.

I am still working on the details of my big coming out strategy. But in the time, I drink and think.

My name is Jane. But you can call me Jay. And this is my coming out story.